....mhmmhmsmsmmhmhmhmh (me on the floor)

I have one little statement to make...

After doing the intermediate Thursday toning circuit, I've decided that Mish and I might not be friends anymore. Burpees AND mountain climbers...one after the other, three circuits......gah.

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one. Bringing sexy back....or rather bringing sweating, grunting, grimacing pain-written-all-over-her-face-back. Mmmmmm, come get it boys.

BUCK FURPEES!!

(although, I'll still keep doing them....something that painful would have to make you look amazing eventually....just sayin'. And burning a cool 550 cals....I'm okay with that.)

Don't worry Mish, I still love you....until the next burpee turns up.

Em xx

Shoes are a girl's best friend....

"When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good... food just makes me fatter... shoes always fit." - In Her Shoes

This little snippet sums me up to the letter.

As a girl that has always has a hate relationship with clothes, with the closest to liking them being looking at thin hotties wearing clothes I could only dream of; and having an even worse one with food, shoes have been my saving grace.

The obsession with heels started back in Year 10. I found the most gorgeous hot fuschia pair at the local Vinnies store for 50c, and wore them into the ground, literally......and the affair began.

Fast forward a few years to uni, and I was the girl that my friends would come to to borrow shoes from. As a stock standard size 8, the bottom of my wardrobe was a wonderland for every dinner, function and ball.

I'm always on the hunt for the perfect boot (which I found the other day on ASOS, it's love), the sexy heel, the casual heel, the vavavoom heel.....and managed to find them. On a single trip away to Newcastle, I bought 6 paris of heels, me victorious, and my friend raising her eyebrow at me and setting a mental note to book me into the next shoe obsession anonymous meeting.

As any heel loving woman will tell you, they have a certain power. You stand up straighter, your legs look better, you feel like you can take on the world. Team them with a red lip, and well.....enough said....

My weight has always fluctuated, up, down, up, down....most of the time clothes looked crap, or so the maniac inside me felt/saw. But those lovely, lovely, many pairs of stacked, leather, bright, stiletto, block, buckled pairs of 9cm self confidence were always there for me. To pick me up off the floor when every dress, skirt or pant looked like shit. Whispering "put me on, I promise I'll fit". And they never lied, they always did. More reliable than any man, more honest than any friend, they never, ever lied. 

The obsession will never stop, and I don't want it to. My shoes are as much as a part of my makeup as my crazy red hair. Materialistic, possibly.  Self-indulgent, maybe. Essential to my confidence, absolutely.

That little spring in my step. The slight awakening of a sideways sultry glance. The hip sway. They bring out my vixen. No matter how much weight I lose, my dear shoes, you will be at the top of my list. Thankyou for always fitting. 

Em xx

Success & Sinuses

I had a win last week. After getting myself very wound up about being away for work for most of the first week, and worrying about food, exercise etc, it actually turned out to be okay. I ate as well as I could, and went for a run every morning in the parks of Dub-vegas. To my glee/rapture, I jumped on the scales for the Week One Weigh-In, with both eyes closed, as I was convinced those little numbers were going to jump up rather than down. Slowly, I opened one eye, to see that I had LOST 1kg!! How the/what the/flip the?????? How?? (and not to mention that it was TToM...blergh)

This was a good lesson for me. I need to have a little more faith in myself and not doubt my efforts!

However, I've had a spanner thrown in the works. All that plane travel last week has landed me with the flu. Why, oh why?? Here I was gloating not the week before that I hadn't been sick once all year, and was going to make it to the end of the year without any illness (karma, much?). I'm lucky enough to have a fantastic immune system. Another thanks to Mum and Dad for letting me eat as much dirt as I wanted when I was little...but it hasn't saved me this time.

Urgh....why are colds so hard to handle and shake? I've gotten progressively worse over the weekend, but still pushed through and managed (to my utter surprise) to smash out my SSS on Saturday...1028 calories. Slight air fist pump right there.

I trawled the forums trying to find Mish's post on how to shake the flu (or stop it from getting worse, one or the other), but couldn't find it. If someone knows where it is please let me know!

I had a friend's birthday on the weekend, which I knew was going to be a great test for my willpower. A leisurely lunch and then going out that night....eeekkk. Feeling the flu coming on was a blessing in disguise. I didn't drink (apart from the one glass of Sav Blanc at lunch) and tried to make good food choices all day. I had a couple of slip ups with one to many cheese and biccies, but luckily I'd burnt my 1028 cals that morning, so I didn't get the guilts to the extent I usually do. So very proud of myself for only drinking water and soda water when we were out. Although, going to bed at 3:30am is still a bad idea, I'm getting too old to stay up that late these days! Oh, and also wore a slightly tight dress and actually felt pretty damn good in it! I'm close to losing 5kg!! Amazing what such a small amount off can do for the confidence :)

Onto Week Two. I did my food shop yesterday, and the food bills are proving to be expensive. I can't wait to get all the condiments stocked up, then I should see a big decrease in the cost me thinks. I was never eating too badly before (lots of veg, fruit etc), just too much of everything, and I'd eat pretty much the same thing everyday. BBBBBBOOOOOORRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG. I'm excited about trying all the meals this week, and having some variety.

Slightly nervous/excited for Wednesday Weigh-In, eager to see what's going on (of off rather haha!).

I hope everyone else is doing really well, and are also excited about Week Two. Have a great one!!

Em xx

Must Be The New Kicks!!

I'm an Intermediate....what?

How the hell did that happen? I did my fitness test this afternoon, and all of my results for the tests fell into the intermediate category!!

WOW! I have seriously underestimated myself. Or, by being the Queen of Flukes, have pulled a magic trick out of my bunny hat. Considering I pulled a muscle in my back yesterday doing the Super Shredder workout, I'm pretty proud of myself (and have made great friends with a tube of Deep Heat).

I have to credit my 1km run to my new kicks though I think. This was their maiden voyage, and I am impressed. I honestly think my old runners weighed a kilo each, and I felt like it to....dragging seriously when I ran. Enter my new Nike Free Runs. Deadset, these weigh about 200grams...together! And I noticed. They don't call these barefoot trainers for nothing. They are amazing to run in, so light, and comfy (however, I walked to warm up and they felt like they definitely aren't made for purely walking). But, start running and these babies are meant for a serious run stride! (okay, Nike, now that I've talked you up, how's about an endorsement, huh?)

So, there it is, I'm fitter than I thought I was, which is surprising and relieving. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of wobble to shift and a hell of a lot of work to do on fitness and strength. I'm excited to see how I improve over the course of the 12 weeks.

Now, all I have to do is psych myself up for the dang photo and I'm good to go.

Until then...

Em xx

Red Flags for First Days

Oh god...

At about 10am this morning I found out I'm heading to NSW for 4 days.

For work.

Full of work dinners.

Full of days in the car going through small towns where the main street's bakery is the single source of sustenance for the town. Out to livestock sales where lunch consists of tea, biscuits and sausage rolls.

RED FLAG HELL! These four days also happen to fall on the...........

FIRST FOUR DAYS OF THE  12WBT.......................Fab-o timing, boss.

I'm going to go armed with an artillery of joggers, tights and sports bras. I'm flying up, with no checked baggage, so taking bulk healthy food will be an issue.

This will be an fun one, I'm interested to see what happens. Of course, I'm going to attempt my very, very best to eat healthily and calorie wise. On the plus side, it's going to be a great stepping stone. I'm only just starting out on the 'travelling around' part of my job, so this will be helpful for future trips. I'm going to see it in a positive light.

No doubt there are many of you lovelies that travel for work. Any fabulous tips for a novice you might have, PLEASE send them my way.

Love.

Em xx

Livestrong - What A Resource

So, was trawling the internet for boxing techniques and came across a fabulous website that has everything healthy about it. Great resource for all sorts of things, and they have sections divided up guys and dolls alike.

Here it is:

http://www.livestrong.com/woman/

Have fun with lots of great tips. I've already found a heap of awesomeness on there in a couple of minutes.

Every little bit counts.

Em xx

Big Bag of BadAss

I think I've just awoken my inner badass....

I bought myself a boxing bag yesterday (in BadAss red) with some gloves and wraps (both BadAss Black). Here it is......oh la la...

Hung the sucker up this morning, and have seriously revved myself up. Had a couple of test punches (in jeans and a shirt, mind you), and have officially decided that this is definitely one of my favourite purchases EVER!

Now I just have to learn to use the thing. As much as I'd love to go out and beat the crap out of it, I'm going to read up on how to hit properly (I can hear my inner injury buff yelling at me that if I don't do it properly, something painful might go down....). But, needless to say, I'm psyched!

I have a little vision of me, all toned and hot looking, in a crop top, boxing my way to buff perfection (a girl can dream right?) Kinda like this...

We shall see.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make an equally badass playlist to help me knock to stuffing out of myself.

Em xx

100 Workout....woah.

This morning I decided I needed to kick my own butt (didn't exercise yesterday tsk tsk, but it's going to be my 'day off' now).

I had read elsewhere that there is a fantastic workout called the 100 workout, which I thought looked like punishment enough. I decided to put my own spin on it and make up my own circuit exercises.

Off I went.......20 mins on the treadmill, running my bum off to warm up, then:

100 Jumping Jacks

90 crunches

80 arm exercises (with 3kg dumbbells)

70 lunges (with 3kg dumbbells)

60 squats (with 3 kg dumbbells)

50 fast jumps

40 side crunches

30 chest presses

20 squats

10 planks and supermans

This is a photo of me after....

620 calories later and I had shaky legs, sore shoulders and bum muscles saying 'hola'! I think at one stage I was flat on my back cursing that I had better have a 6 pack by the end of the 12WBT or else (most likely during the 90 crunches). As far as circuits go though, it was fun. And I'm really looking forward to improving my time on doing everything too.

Give it a go, mix it up with your favourite exercises. Who knows, by the end of the 12 weeks, maybe I'll be doing a 200 workout. Yippee! 

Em xx

How Do You Spell Impatience?

Impatience is my middle name. Not sure if it comes with the whole redhead caper, but it annoys me.

I get impatient with myself for being impatient. Figure that out.

I'm usually this girl:

Not anymore, woman, not anymore (well, a work in progress). I'm enjoying exercise for 4 times that much a day. And, I'm getting pretty dang good results. 

Patience is a virtue? Probably, but that's something I'm going to have to work on.

Sabotage Central

Work. Is. Evil.      No, let me rephrase that....

Work. Kitchens. Are. Evil

I think the universe has sent a subconscious message to my workmates to bring chocolatey goodness to work.....every fecking day. Talk about a tease.

I turned up at work today and there were not one...but TWO packets of Tim Tams, and a packet of lamingtons on the bench.

I've always been (relatively) careful with chocolate overload (unless some earth-shattering, boy-related, PMS-monster inducing gremlin arrives to crumble my will power). I've never destroyed a packet of Tim Tams in one sitting, purely from fear that the 1% of my metabolism that actually works would pack its bags and leave me for good. Although, I've never really said no to having a couple. However, now that I'm counting calories and know for good that one Tim Tam, ONE, contains 98 calories!! Jeez, Arnotts, that's a bit rough.....give a girl a break.

The thing is, when I go to make one of my 1000 cups of green tea for the day (how I adore that stuff!), the lamingtons are there saying "hi, hello, check me out, all my coconutty goodness, my spongey sponge, my chocolate..." SHUT UP. Needless to say, and proudly, I gave those square little suckers the bird and flounced off with my antioxidant-rich, zen cup of vanilla green tea. (The chocolate lover inside me did die a little bit, I won't lie).

These aren't the first temptations and they certainly won't be the last. My new challenge will be when I'm out on the road next week, with work dinners, seminar lunches (white bread sandwich platters anyone?) and no cooking facilities in the motel room. MUST. GO . PREPARED.

Come on willpower, you can do it. (I think). No, you can!

Em xx

Shhhh Secret.....

So, there's a secret I'm keeping.....shhhh.

I'm not telling my family (parents and little brother) about my 12WBT. I want to surprise them! It is so important to me that I'm not only doing it for me, but for them also. I am lucky to have amazing parents and a brother that I am very close to and love absolutely unconditionally.

I haven't seen my family since April this year, and won't be seeing them again until a couple of days before Christmas. I would love to get off that plane in Northern NSW looking like this....

.....or something similar (minus the private jet...will settle for QantasLink HA!) woot freakin' woo!

My relocation to Adelaide has come as a blessing in disguise. 

Also, we are having a combined 50th and 21st for my Dad and brother on NYE, and I also want to look smoking (woo!) for that. Why not, and always an excuse to get myself a beautiful dress to wear (what girl doesn't love shopping for new dresses!). Heck, I'll even splash out and buy myself some more shoes (to add to the ridiculous collection....shoes and I have a very healthy relationship.....more on that some other time).

I was tentative at first about not telling my family, because I know I will need the support. Not to fear though. I have an amazing, beautiful friend who is supporting me through this. Even though we are roughly 1600kms apart, she has already been great. You know who you are, you gorgeous thing! Thankyou x

I'm so excited about going home, let alone going home a lot smaller. I'm going to be a bundle of nerves on that plane, me thinks.

So there it is, the great secret. No telling, okay?

Em xx

Little Triumphs...

Day 9 of Pre-Season.

9 days of eating no more than 1200 calories (which is surprisingly easy) with lots of fresh, yummy food.

Exercise, I'm really starting to you enjoy again (although if I'm completely honest I skipped a couple of days...naughty). Other than those, I've been sweating and beetroot-facing my butt off. I found muscles in my bum that have a tendency to make me walk like a duck with something up its bum....but that's okay....it means something is working.

And it has. Two days ago, I thought to get myself into the habit of Wednesday Weigh-In, heck, I'll jump on the scales and see if this hoo-haa is doing anything....

1.3kg DOWN!!!!!! (my internal crowd goes WILD...BANANAS!!). 1.3kg in one week.

WWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Can't wait until the actual 12weeks begins and we have Mish's workout plans and food plans, and see how awesome the scales and tape measure look then!

I haven't noticed it so much in my clothes yet....sigh....but, I found something sneakily sticking out when I was lying in bed....a hipbone, yup, you read it here first. Hipbone, hipbone, hipbone! There's a small hollow. Who gets excited about a calciferous body part?....me, apparently. Can't wait to see my reaction when I find a collarbone (have had a long standing obsession with collarbones, don't know why)...and there is a peek of a one.

I've also found my early morning happy place......

I'm very lucky to live in the beautiful Adelaide Hills, and with a view like this at sunrise, who wouldn't be happy?

Oh, and one more self-indulgent thing....
I ran for 10 mins non-stop on the tready this morning! Somewhat of a PB (not peanut-butter...)

I hope everyone else is having little breakthroughs too, such a happy (and new) feeling to have.

Em xx

Commitment to Me

The fourth Pre-Season task came out today. Excitement!

However, upon doing the task, it disturbed a long, deep-buried, pain.

Ever since I was 15, I've had this irrepressible sadness that I am an embarrassment to my family. I looked around at all of my parent's friends children, particularly the girls, and saw only slim, pretty girls...all with boyfriends/getting attention from boys. (a 15 yr olds mind is a cruel, cruel place). Me. None. I felt that, surely, Mum and Dad wanted a slim girl, who they wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen by their friends. The same friends with the skinny daughters.

Also, being a boarder at an all girls school just fuelled the fire. Seeing my lithe peers walking around in towels, short shorts etc. I was strictly a polo shirt and rugby shorts girl back then, too worried and embarrassed to wear anything else.

I think the first thing that really injected my self-conscious issues was at a Year 8 social (13 yrs). I asked a boy to dance. He looked me up and down, and said "I don't want to dance with you, you fat bitch". Nice. Now imagine how that sounds in a 13yr old girls mind. I've never, ever forgotten that moment. And, at that stage, I wasn't obese by any stretch, just overweight, soft.

Of course, as I've become older, and wiser (?), and know that me being an embarrassment to my family is so far from the truth. HOWEVER, it is still deep-seated and ingrained in my psyche. That's why I included it in my commitments list.

So, today's challenge was hard, but so liberating at the same time. Now I have a tangible list on which I can refer to when I feel myself slipping. And personally, it packs a punch.

Here it is (deep breath):

I am committed to finding the person inside me that I will love, instead of berate/hate/self-sabotage everyday.


I am committed to putting myself in a journey that is not only going to change my body, but my life, my confidence, my self worth.


I am committed to giving myself a healthier future.


I am committed to stopping my family's worries about my weight.


I am committed to losing that 20kgs and keeping it off....this time it will stay off.


I am committed to transforming myself into a person that I feel will no longer embarrass my family.


I am committed to giving this my absolute all. No guts, no glory.


I am committed to supporting not only myself but every other person undertaking this journey.

We are all in this together, and support and encouragement from others is so important and healthy.


And lastly....
I am, above all, committed to me. This is my life, my only life.
xx

So, that's it. I want to feel peace with myself. I am committed to me. xx

Here's a Favourite

Unbelievably true. x

The Start of Something....

Here I go, headfirst into the blog-o-sphere. Maybe bear with me, or not.

It's time for me come face to face with a couple of things, one my ultimate demon:

- That spare tire around my middle, and;
- Living my life.

I've joined up for Michelle Bridges 12WBT, a program that has seen phenomenal results for thousands of people, changing their lives forever. Wow!

12 weeks to a new me. The words 'excited', 'scared', 'nervous', 'overwhelmed', are but a select few that pop into my head. But why am I nervous? 3 years ago, I went on another diet, one that had me weighing my food to an exact gram (absolute bird portions too), did not promote exercise, carbs were the devil. Sure, I lost 25kgs in about 3 months. Yay! NOT YAY! The problem with this diet was:
1) There is no way in hell it was sustainable for life (even though they claimed it to be)
2) Exercise was not a part of this diet. Need I say more....
3) There was no support network apart from one person that you met with once a month.
4) Nothing was done about addressing the mind-games, the little psychological demons we have.
and
5) I was at college, was 18, and being in environment that lives and breathes alcohol and servo pies at 3am like it's going out of fashion was never going to work once I stopped this thing.

Of course, over the following 3 years of uni, most of that weight crept back on. Damn. A combination of drinking, eating, studying, and working at a pub did not help. Sure, I played netball, and walked with friends, but nowhere near enough to sort out those sneaky calories.

This is why I'm scared. I'm scared of failing, having history repeat itself. But then I say no, this is going to work. Look at this program. There's food: fresh, healthy and realistic. There's exercise, tailor made for ME. There's a ridiculous amount of support, not just from Mish's team, but from everyone. EVERYONE. And most importantly (for me); the straightening of the psyche.  Wow, what an environment. Set up for success, definitely. Going to succeed. Hell yes.

Now, I'm finished uni, and have started a full time job. Before I left home, I kept talking about recreating myself, losing weight, being a better version of myself. That was 4 1/2 months ago. Happened? Career wise. Yes. Physically. No. Relocating from Northern NSW to Adelaide has taken its toll. New state, new town, excitement? Hell yes. I love my new job! However, leaving all of my friends and family behind has taken its toll. I turned to food for comfort to battle the loneliness I felt. Then, after, berate myself for my weakness.

I'm sick of this vicious circle. Time to end it. I'm 23, I want to enjoy my 20's. I don't want to be scared of meeting people for fear of what they might think of me, I want to find love. I have a life to live.

So here I go. Mish, I'm all yours. Let's go.

Em xx